Monday, March 18, 2019
Monday, February 18, 2019
No dear – it isn’t a fulltime job
Online dating, like any other internet activity, can become addictive. It is thus very important that you learn to set limits for yourself and when to take a step back. For internet romance to work out for you, you need to be in the right headspace. Headspace is vital because it is the only way you can make sober decisions that will work for you.
Sometimes this means acknowledging that online dating burnout is real. It is completely normal, so there is no need for you and your type A personality to be so hard on yourself.
In this guide, we will discuss the key signs that you are ready for a break from swiping and liking. That way you don’t have to keep running like a zombie on autopilot in one of the most important journeys of your life.
Here’s how to know it’s time to give online dating a break.
Raccoon eyes and sore thumbs
That is what happens with people who spend way too much time on these online dating sites. If you get to a point where you are losing sleep, then something is not ok. It means you are working hard and not smart to find love and this usually doesn’t end well.
It feels like a chore or job
Do you groan and die a little inside every time you log onto your online dating account? Have you lost that glee and wonder you once had for getting to see who liked you and who you matched with? If it is yes for both, then you should consider a break.
Zero focus on your offline life
You have become a total slave to your online profile. All you do, think, talk about and feel is in one way or another directly liked to your account. It could be anything from neglecting work obligations to turning down romantic setups from your friends. Online dating platforms should work for you; not the other way round.
You’ve turned into online Nancy Drew
A little sleuthing now and then with online dating is completely harmless and acceptable. After all, if you don’t double check facts to protect yourself who will; am I right? However, there is a fine line between confirming information and being a full-on stalker. If you cross this line because of online dating, you might want to take a step back and rethink your choices.
Loss of faith in the process
After months or even years of having an online dating profile but no real success, cynicism is inevitable. You start to think that there is something wrong either with you or with the system. In such cases, the best thing to do is to take a proper break and try again later.
You’re taking things a little too personally
All of a sudden it seems like everything that happens to you online is personal. If a text message isn’t replied to right away, you get mad. If you don’t get a match with someone, you liked it stings a little too much.
While it is important to wear your heart on your sleeve, there has to be some degree of detachment for online dating to work. That ensures that you do not go catching feelings for anything with a pulse that says hi to you. So when you start getting too caught up, you should consider stepping back.
Doing it for anyone other than yourself
Why exactly are you signed up and active online? Is it to get your friends who keep hooking you up off your back? Is it because you started a correspondence with someone online and you feel you owe it to them to keep talking? If the answer is anything other than “for me” then you have no business being online.
Overwhelmed by options
Being overwhelmed in online dating usually means that you haven’t taken the time to figure out exactly what it is that you are looking for. With so many options online you will have a really hard time settling. So take some time off and get your ducks in a row. Then once you have your priorities and preferences all figured out, you can give it another shot.
Don’t quit – take a breather
If you experience even one of these signs, then you are long overdue for a break. Fortunately, most dating sites allow you to suspend your account until you are ready to come back. You may even choose to delete it and start fresh when you are ready. Whatever you decide, remember to make yourself the number one priority.
Monday, February 4, 2019
Love beyond borders
How lucky are we that we live in a day and age where you can date anyone from literally anywhere? All you need is a computer and a passport, and you can find love from halfway across the world. It is truly the most amazing effect of modern technology.
However, just because it is easy to meet and start relationships with foreigners, it doesn’t mean it’s easy to sustain them. If anything, the distance, language barriers, and cultural differences make it super hard. This means that you cannot apply the same old dating tips you are used to with your close-proximity and same-nationality partners.
Here are a few tips that will come in handy if you choose to take this path.
Make use of online dating apps
So you have decided that you want to date a Latina beauty or an exotic Asian damsel. That’s pretty cool but where exactly will you find one? Online dating apps exist to solve this problem by providing you with direct access to whatever nationality, race or cultural background that interests you.
Master the art of long-distance dating
More often than not, dating a foreigner involves getting into a long distance relationship. To make it work, you will need to put in a little extra effort. It means regular phone calls, surprise internationally-delivered gifts, and even virtual dates. That way, it is like you are in the very same country.
Learn the language
The language barrier is one of the greatest challenges you will have to face when dating a foreigner. Fortunately, these days we have direct translate services that make it very easy to communicate via text and emails. However, these will only take you so far as they do not help much with verbal communication. In this case, you might want to consider learning your partner’s language, teaching them yours, or both.
Show interest in each other’s cultures
If you are from different countries chances are that the culture will be different as well. If you do not take your time to understand the variation and respect it, there will be problems in your relationship. Make sure to ask questions and do your research. Showing interest is also a sign that you have a sincere interest which goes a long way towards helping the relationship grow.
Take your passport out of storage
You will have to do some traveling. Online correspondence, video calls, and letters will only keep things going for a while. If you are serious about turning your relationship into something long term, you will have to invest in regular visits between both countries. It is also a great opportunity to take in the culture first hand and experience all that your significant other has been praising about their country.
Do your homework
As with any other kind of online dating, it is important that you look into your partner’s life. The reason for doing this is to ensure that you do not end up getting scammed which is a significant risk when it comes to dating foreigners. If you are using an online dating service, make sure only to correspond and focus on people whose profiles have been verified as being authentic. That will save you a whole lot of trouble.
Appreciate the value of reciprocity
Do not be the kind of person who gives and gives and never gets in the relationship. Giving too much is common when dating foreigners where there is a tendency to have one person focus too much on input; especially financially. If you feel like you are being used as a long distance ATM, you might want to kick rocks.
Open up your heart – and your eyes
While it is important to be open and vulnerable in these situations, you also need to make sure that you look out for any red flags. Do not be so blinded by love that you miss obvious signs that something is wrong with the relationship. It is particularly important as the distance involved may help shady partners hide their shady ways.
Dating internationally definitely has its perks. You get to learn about new cultures and regions of the world, and if you are lucky, you may get to experience it all first-hand. These eight tips will come in handy to ensure that your relationship runs as smoothly as possible. That way, whether it is someone who speaks a different language or views love and romance in a completely new light, you will have an idea of how to get things right.
Tuesday, January 22, 2019
When things start to get serious
Online dating is a lot of noncommittal fun, and that is why so many of us love it. You get to talk to new people, flirt, fool around online and generally get a lot of relationship benefits without any of the risks. However, if you are serious about finding love and building something solid you will have to leave the comfort and security of the screen at some point.
Meeting in real life after dating online is not something to take lightly. How that date goes can be what determines whether or not you and your love interest have a future. What is interesting is that it is just as serious for people who have been at it for long as it is for a couple that just got started. One of the most important things to consider when planning this super important date is your security. Here are a few tips that will come in handy.
Keeping yourself safe
Outdoor dates over indoor dates
It is the most important rule when it comes to meeting an online date in real life. Meeting in a public place means you get free security from all the strangers around you. If you would like some privacy, then choose dates in less crowded places like park picnics on weekdays and moderate traffic nature trails.
Involve a third party
Now before you panic, I don’t mean getting a chaperone or anything old school of that nature. Unless, of course, you feel like that’s your style in which case do it. In all seriousness though, you need to make sure that at least one other person knows where you are going, who you are going with and when to expect you back. It might seem a little paranoid, but it doesn’t hurt to be safe.
Do your homework on your date
All the butterflies and warm fuzzies might blind you to your potential beaux faults. That happens to all of us, but when it comes to a first real-life date, you cannot afford to take chances. Take a few moments to step out of your lovey-dovey daze and do some research on the person you are about to meet up with. What you are looking for here are things like criminal history, restraining orders and anything else that may indicate risk of danger to yourself.
Don’t stay out too late
You are probably thinking to yourself right now, “I’m a grownup, and I can stay out as late as I want.”
No one disagrees with this one bit. Regardless, you should remember that one of the most important rules of first offline dates is getting security from the masses. The later you stay out the few people you have around to help in case anything goes wrong. Enough said.
Meet-up over pick-up
Picking up a date or getting picked up is without a doubt super romantic. You get to live that straight-out-of-Hollywood descent down the stairs moment with the person all dolled up. Despite the obvious allure pickups are just not worth the risk. Remember it means revealing your address to a stranger. Instead, meet up at the date venue and have them pick you up when you have established trust.
Save the goods for subsequent dates
We live in a day and age of sexual liberation where things like casual sex and one night stands are a positive thing. While this progressive attitude does have its perks, it also bears some serious risks. It is, therefore, better to take your time to at least get to know your date before bringing them home with you. That will help not only emotionally but regarding your security.
Pace yourself if there is alcohol involved
Alcohol can make a date interesting. It allows you to get rid of all those first date jitters and just be yourself. However, the lack of inhibition and subsequent impaired judgment might end up working against you. So make sure to pace yourself, take plenty of water and grab a bite or two to keep yourself capacitated.
Feel free to leave
This one is simple. If you feel threatened, unsafe or in any way uncomfortable, then leave. Remember, you should always trust your gut and not ignore potential red flags. You also don’t owe anyone but yourself anything. So excuse yourself politely and find your way home. You will thank yourself for it.
Always remember that eventually meeting offline is inevitable with internet dating if you want something real. However, you should never compromise your safety for the sake of love; it’s not that desperately necessary.
The tips and tricks provided above will come in handy for your first in real life hang-out. That way you will have fun and get a feel of what you are working with without having to worry about getting kidnapped, robbed or having heaven knows what else happen to you at the hands of your date.
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